4 Facebook Habits That Kill Authentic Connections (and How to Fix Them)

Feeling lonely on FacebookThanks to guest blogger, Adela Rubio.

Are you investing your time and energy in social media and not reaping the rewards you hear everyone talking about: clients, connections and income? Well the reason might be that your connection skills are primed for an upgrade.

One of the most common mistakes that I see is frantically trying to boost your number of Facebook friends in hopes that the more friends you have, the easier it will be to share your message.

Here’s the scoop, folks. It’s not important whether you have 100 or 5,000 friends. What matters is the quality of the connection. I spend a good amount of time on Facebook and I still see so many folks making the following four mistakes:

1. You friend without including a personal message. Social media is about a relevant connection. Ask yourself, “Would I want to be ‘real friends’ with this person? Why?” Resist the impulse to click on the ‘Add Friend’ button. Take a moment to check out their Facebook profile, visit their website. Notice what grabs your attention about them. There should be an authentic desire to connect. Then, make an invitation. Introduce yourself in the message and let them know why you’d like to connect.

2. You only post links to your content, events and programs. I call this being a broadcaster vs. engager. If your Facebook wall is a page of links you fall into the first category. If you find yourself staring at that wall and you can’t quite find anything to say, here are some ideas:
(a) Contribute your point of view to a conversation.
(b) Share something specific about a personal passion or hobby.
(c) Acknowledge clients, colleagues and mentors.
(d) Celebrate the wins of your colleagues and friends.
(e) Have fun and enjoy your friends.

3. You tag friends so that they’ll read your posts. You want your presence to be magnetic. Think drafted vs. invited, the level of engagement and interest is quite different between those two, yes? Do tag friends if you’re partnering on an event or you’re acknowledging them, when they appear in your photos (like at a live event), or when you want them to comment on a note. Tagging is a way to engage your friends’ attention. Use it wisely!

4. You make your first post on a friend’s wall all about you. As a matter of fact, do not EVER post the link to your opt in gift, Facebook fan page or your next program on someone’s wall! Those posts belong on YOUR wall.

When you first friend someone, focus on making a personal comment that weaves connection. This means you will have read their profile or visited their blog or website. If you want to share your message, connect and contribute to others. Share links to your blog posts and articles on your wall. Create value for your friends and they will respond in kind by sharing your posts and links.

Social media is all about creating connection and an aligned community. Though it might take some initial effort on your part, the skills garnered from regular and strategic use of social media will create a strong foundation to grow your business on ALL levels. Then you’ll reap the rewards!

About guest blogger Adela Rubio: Adela is a Joint Venture Strategist and Enlightened List Building Mentor. She helps conscious entrepreneurs share their message and build their tribe using experiential list building strategies. Visit her at http://adelarubio.com

Have any Facebook faux pas you’d like to share? Feel free to post them in the comments section below. Adela & I would love to hear from you. Thanks!


  1. Yes, I am like this. I think part of it is that I am not 100% clear on how to use FB and Twitter, and secondly I have a rather niche market and finding people who will be interested in my book is a bit of ‘needle in the haystack’ stuff. At the moment I am marketing to libraries, but ther eare a lot of people out these in the wide blue yonder who would love my book too.

    Chris. I write under a different name.

    Christine Dalgliesh recently posted…A ride in the busMy Profile

    • @Chris, as Adela mentions, social networking is about making connections and developing relationships. Do you have a Facebook Fan Page for your business and are you sharing yourself with others or just “pushing” your book? Best to offer them helpful information first so prospects begin to “know, like & trust.”

      If you’re interested in learning more about how to use Facebook, you might consider FBInfluence – a comprehensive course from Amy Porterfield. Click on the FBInfluence logo on the right side of this blog (it is an affiliate link). Or visit Mari Smith’s Web site -she’s another Facebook ity (I’m not an affiliate).

      Thanks for sharing your thoughts here. ~Debra

  2. Your personal profile and the wall that comes with it, are supposed to be for personal tidbits – not business.

    Your Facebook Fan Page is supposed to be about business – not personal issues.

    At least – that’s how I see it.

    When someone I just made friends with on Facebook – invites me to their business page, I am immediately turned off. I made friends with them to connect on a personal level. If they take it upon themselves to immediately rattle off about their business and/or business Fan Page, they don’t remain on my friend’s list.

    I don’t do it to people and I prefer they returned in kind.

    – Bonnie xo
    Bonnie Gean recently posted…Kick Start Your Writing – (3/3)My Profile

  3. People who do 3 and 4 really annoy me. It is not nice to tag me, when I am not in it and you just want to reach out to my community and not to me as a person or individual. It is like when you see someone you know, you both wave and begin running to each other, but the other person keeps running and doesn’t even acknowledge you.

    • @Joanne, the first few times someone tagged me and I wasn’t in the photo they tagged, I was a bit baffled. I realized it was just a friend wanting me to see the pic, which was okay. However, I’m finding some people tag me now for every little thing & it does get annoying when it becomes a constant barrage.

      @Bonnie, I think there can be a blend on business pages of something that’s personal & business, it’s a way of connecting with people on another level. For instance, I’ve shared some quotes about writing on my business page with photos of my golden retriever, Ike. And those who have commented, do so with positive replies.

      I understand what you’re saying if someone friends you on a personal page and then immediately tries selling you something featured on their business page. It’s about building relationships first – as you said, connecting. Thanks. ~Debra

  4. I held my breath through all four items and finally let it out in relief that I don’t do any of them. I love your posting tips in #2. Thanks for sharing!

  5. It’s always about THEM. That should make everything else fall into place! Good post!
    Martha Giffen recently posted…Clever Blogging Ideas That WorkMy Profile

    • Appreciate you taking the time to stop by and comment @Martha. Yes, marketing is always about addressing the needs/wants of your prospects & customers, whether it’s on Facebook, on your web site or in printed promotional materials. ~Debra

Speak Your Mind


CommentLuv badge